Charlotte, NC

Man, how stupid can ya get?

I’m talkin’ about those Earnhardt-wannabes who were caught drag-racing on I-85 North.  Yes, they were arrested — and not a moment too soon:  As I understand it, the 19-year-old who was caught was already doin’ 87 mph, had no license, and (if that wasn’t bad enough) resisted arrest!  All that and reckless driving, too!

Look … in my travels throughout the US and Canada, I’ve seen quite a few draggers, and, usually, the end result is a helluva lot more tragic than just bein’ caught by police!  Most of these clowns aren’t usin’ seat-belts anyway (hmph … they think it takes away from the thrill), so, apparently, they don’t mind if, when they hit someone head-on, their face goes through the windshield and ends up lookin’ like thawed pizza (WHOA!! A little rough?? Gotta calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.  Besides, I have seen a couple like that …).

In some jurisdictions, they have an unusual sentence for anyone caught and convicted of drag racing — and, quite frankly, I think the courts oughtta adopt this idea (why?  ‘Cause it works!!):
Whenever a person’s been caught and convicted of drag racing, he or she should have to visit, under police escort, a morgue.  There, they would view the body of victim of a severe auto-accident, prior to its preparation.

Then, again under escort, they’d have to attend the funeral of a child who was killed in a severe auto-accident.  After the funeral, they would return to the courthouse to be lectured by officers who’ve witnessed crash scenes, victims and their families.

Harsh?  Maybe so.  But, remember:  I’ve seen two crashes that resulted from “drag racing” (fortunately, neither was on an Interstate), and, in one case, viewed the victim myself (thankfully, there wasn’t a child involved).  And, in jurisdictions where the “sentence” I just described has been handed down, they see a reduction in these shenanigans … in fact, i reckless driving as a whole.

Look … if it saves one life, it’s worth it, right??

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CHARMECK!! If there’s one sentence that describes the beginning of ‘09 it’s the catchphrase from Monty Python:

“And now for something completely different …”

Now, most folks have made at least one resolution, right?? But, y’know, sometimes, these can come as a result of lessons learned in the year that’s just passed. One of my very first resolutions was made on December 31, years ago (and, fortunately, became an indelible part of this old bird’s psyche).
It was borne from an incident that happened on my birthday that year. That being said, here’s the Double-E’s New Years story:

LIFE and the REAR-VIEW MIRROR …

Remember your very first car? It was usually a sign that your folks finally trusted you enough to have some personal freedom and responsibility. Mine was an old 1966 Ford Fairlane — an olive green machine that ran as rough as it looked.
Oh, it was fine sitting in the driveway, but on the road, if something didn’t “clink,” “clank” or “clunk,” it fell off! And, whenever I went out for a spin, the vibration from the car shook my rear-view mirror, throwing it off-center. It seemed that, every other mile, I had to try and fix it while driving.

One Sunday afternoon shortly after getting the car, I came close to colliding with someone while I was busy trying to do just that. When I got home, I parked the car and stomped into the house, where my parents were watching TV. “Oh, THANKS, Dad,” I snapped in sarcastic frustration. “THAT car runs BEAUTIFULLY!” Then I told him about the mirror and the near-accident.
He listened intently, then, as mama reached over to turn the TV down, he asked, “You mean you were more concerned with that blamed MIRROR than you were with what was in FRONT of you?” Now feeling both embarrassed and a bit ashamed, I nodded my head “yes”.
He and mama looked at each other as he continued, “Son, you should’ve gotten that thing fixed before you went out!” Then mama added, “Besides, nobody can get where they’re going if they’re always looking at where they’ve been.” As daddy smiled at the wisdom of her statement, I stood there, thinking about it.

Concentrating on the past is like driving while focusing only on your rear-view mirror. It doesn’t take long before you end up with an accident! Just as you’d watch the road in front of you to drive safely, the only way to move ahead in any endeavor is to focus on what’s ahead … and don’t look back!

Of the Top Forty things that causes depression, retrospection — the “shoulda, woulda, coulda, didn’t” factor — tops the charts. Of course, qualified counselors and psychotherapists will occasionally use that as part of a successful therapy, but, otherwise, we need to get away from it as fast as possible! You see, it’s nothing but thought-poison! Living in the past while wanting a happy, progressive life is like wanting a smooth, fizzy soft drink — but drinking water out of the toilet!

The past is something we’ve experienced, but there’s no way to go back and change it. It’s gone. Let’s put it this way: When we’ve put our trash on the curb for pickup by the city, we let it go! We don’t run after the trash truck yelling “WAIIIIIIT!” We move on …

“Moving on” also means changing our way of thinking a bit. There’s a popular and appropriate saying these days: “If you keep thinking what you always thought, you’ll keep getting what you always got.”
If we’re constantly dwelling in the past, and they’re negative memories, then we’ll keep battering our emotional selves and NEVER move into any sort of wellness! Rev. Leroy Boyd (from Tirzah, S.C.) told me that “dwelling on the past is like walking through the devil’s back yard at midnight. You’re either gonna wake him up or step in something that’ll make you stink!”
Look — we can’t change the past, and it’d be foolhardy to try and relive it. But it’s easy to become retrospective in our thought process. The words “If only I had done …” or “I should’ve/would’ve/could’ve/didn’t”, or just a simple reflection on past situations can depress us and cause us to lose focus on those things we really need.

Now, when we’re lookin’ ahead at the ‘09 in Crown Town and vicinity, we’ve gotta make sure that we’re focused on what we’ve got before us. I’ve run across people from Fort Mill to Kannapolis who’ve said “If she’d just … we’d've had …” or “I wish this hadn’t happened …” or “(fill in the space) did this-or-that … and I miss …”. Hey … remember the resolution part: Do your best to make the best out of every situation NOW, and you can avoid most negative responses!

Okay … now, go on and enjoy the rest of this first day of 2009. Hope it’s a fantastic and optimistic year for you all!

Since we’re comin’ down toward the end of the year, why not leave it with some good news for a change? Ya with me?
Great. Well, here’s the first installment:

It happened just before Christmas: Searchers had combed the brutal backcountry of rural Ontario, Canada for the housewife from the city of Hamilton, who had left her home three days earlier in the middle of a blizzard to grocery shop.

With his search-and-rescue dog Ace, Ray Lau tramped through the thick, ice-covered brush of a farmer’s field that Monday, not far from where Donna Molnar’s van had been found a day earlier.

He kept thinking: Negative-20 winds? This is a search for a body!

“Then, oh, all of a sudden, Ace bolted off,” Lau said. “He stooped and looked down at the snow and just barked, barked, barked.” Lau rushed to his Dutch shepherd’s side.

“There she was, there was Donna, her face was almost totally covered except for one eye staring back at me!” he said. “There was a thousand thoughts going through my head. It was over the top.”

With one ungloved hand near her neck, Molnar, 55, mumbled and tried to scream as Lau yelled to other rescuers. Dressed in a leather coat, sweater, slacks and winter boots, Molnar was carefully pulled from a 3-foot-deep mound of snow that had apparently helped to insulate her.

Then, rescuers got their second shock.

“She was lucid, and said, ‘Wow. I’ve been here a long time!’ and then she apologized and said, ‘I just wanted to take a walk, I’m sorry to have caused you any trouble,’ “ said Staff Sgt. Mark Cox of the Hamilton Police Department, one of the leaders in the hunt. “And we’re all thinking this is incredible, this is really something. I’ve been doing search and rescue for seven years, and this is the wildest case I’ve had in finding someone alive,” he said.

She was rushed to a hospital and immediately sedated to begin the agonizing steps of hypothermia treatment.

“I think the snow must have worked to trap her body heat, and that’s what really saved her,” Cox said. “This really speaks to what’s possible.”

David Molnar is understandably calling his wife’s survival his “Christmas miracle.” Especially …

especially when her body temp at extraction was only thirty degrees!!!

He wasn’t able to speak with her immediately after she was taken to the hospital. But while she was under sedation, he leaned over her and whispered in her ear, “Welcome back, I love you.”

“My wife, you know, doesn’t pump iron. She is strong physically and spiritually,” he said. “When people say to me how do I explain how she survived, I said I believe God reached down and cradled her until the rescuers could find her, because there’s no rational explanation.”

In addition to hypothermia, Donna Molnar is being treated for severe frostbite, and her recovery will take months.

Now … who says that visits from angels, Christ, and miracles don’t exist? (I’m referring to the infant in Presbyterian Hospital whom I wrote about a few posts ago).

GOTTA STAND FOR TV

Have you ever gotten a cool-looking LCD TV, with clear screen and great sound and set it on some kind of stand — just to have it collapse on ya? (This happened to a friend of mine this past Christmas!)
Well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore — especially if you click on the link I’m about to give you!
You see, not only do they have a fantastic assortment of stands, but also TV lifts for the foot of your bed, so you can watch in maximum comfort; they also have other lift mechanisms, cabinets and more!
They even have measurement guides, in-home delivery, great prices and a superb guarantee!
Now, with the weather gettin’ a colder and (as of now) snow or rain pelting everybody, it seems, it only makes sense to visit the folks who can provide you with the best tv stand you could ever hope for! You’ll be amazed at what you see!!

Santa Claus may be able to fly around the world in a sleigh, but even he can’t cross North American airspace without NORAD (North American Air Defense Command) knowing about it.
For more than a half-century, this joint American-Canadian venture that keeps this continent safe against aerial attack has used its technology to follow Santa’s journey and provide real-time updates on his location to children worldwide.

The North Warning System, a network of 47 radars strung across the continent’s northernmost frontier, tells NORAD when St. Nick takes off from the North Pole. Infrared satellites track the jolly old elf’s flight path once he’s airborne.
“The satellites actually pick up an infrared signature from Rudolph’s nose,” Navy Lt. Desmond James says.

Once he touches down, a little-known network of surveillance cameras called “Santa Cams” transmit images of Santa making deliveries. This network went online 10 years ago,
and NORAD officials swear it’s used only on Christmas Eve.

HOW IT STARTED

Sears-Roebuck had put an ad in the local paper listing Santa’s phone number, but the number was misprinted. Instead of ringing the department store, it rang a national defense operations center.
A technician got the first call, and rather than being a Scrooge, he told the tyke, “Let me check the radar.”

A tradition was born.

In the half century since, NORAD has expanded and updated the program, which provides updates in seven languages. “We added the online component ten years ago,” James says. “And today, Google software outputs images from the Santa Cams, and Google Maps and Google Earth, we can track Santa Claus’ trajectory.”

Now your child can keep an eye on where Santa is, and if he’s close to your house. Just click on the noradsanta.org website.

Okay … we’ve got more comin’ up in less than 24 hours. So keep it right here, and remember …

When ya see the shadow crossing … the Eagle’s in the air!”

Okay … was it any mystery that Time Magazine bestowed its prestigious Man Of The Year award (and front cover) on President-elect Barack Obama?

Yes, he does deserve it — and for three very good reasons:

• Sen. Obama has accomplished something that no other Presidential hopeful has done: He broke the racial barrier separating African-Americans from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue! That, in and of itself, is worthy of front-page Time, right?
• He’s to be inaugurated at a time when the country is at its lowest economic point since the Great Depression of 1929 — and there’s a war going on! These alone make for one of the heaviest loads to bear since FDR was elected in 1933.
• But he’s already addressing these issues actively … and he’s not even in office yet! The President-elect had told America that he expected to hit the ground running when he entered the White House — and if the way he’s sizing up the socioeconomic scene now is any indication, there’s a very strong chance he’ll keep his word!

Man Of The Year? If he handles everything with the same verve and determination he’s promised, he could end up Man Of The Decade!

The investigation into little Adam Walsh’s kidnapping and murder has closed, and the murder solved. The murderer, Ottis Toole, passed away years ago.

While we feel a sense of relief, and sympathy for his dad John Walsh, mom Reve and their family, there’s still something that doesn’t set right about all this:

How could so-called “competent” investigators have botched this case as they did?

The blood-soaked carpet in the car: missing. The car ITSELF: missing. Adam’s green shorts and single sandal found at Toole’s home: inconsequential. The week it took for the FBI to get involved.

Today, another young cherub is in the front-lines of investigatory news: Caylee Anthony. While skeletal remains have been found, and sent off for DNA sampling and autopsy, are other investigators dragging their feet now? Will it be decades before this one’s fully solved?

Maybe not, but, in the light of these mistakes made by those searching for little Adam, it’s just a new concern as the public’s sitting on proverbial “pins and needles”, waiting for action!

COUPLA QUICK-NOTES

Chrysler closes plants for at least a month. No big deal … who drives them now anyway??

Woman received face transplant. I just looked in the mirror this morning after gettin’ up. Where do I sign up for one of those?

(EagleScratch: This procedure is only to be used in situations of severe face deformity or accident. As proud as we are that this can now be accomplished, we should be doubly proud of the fact that the physicians are now offering this procedure to veterans of the Iraq/Afghanistan wars, whose faces have been maimed or disfigured in combat!)

Okay … time for this bird to get some shut-eye. But remember:

When you see the shadow crossing … The Eagle’s in the air …”

MARSHALL LEMMOND 1926-2008

He was more than a friend … he was a hero to me …

Years ago, when I was just a youngster, mama and daddy had their laundry dry-cleaned by a place called Domestic Laundry. We all looked forward to the truck with its white, cursive writing on the side (in my mind, I can still hear my brother calling out excitedly, Here comes the laundryman!) … but not because we were lookin’ forward to light starch and creases!
Y’see, it was the laundryman who made it such a wonderful experience!

Marshall Lemmond, who passed away this past weekend, was, to us, an actual giant! He had to stoop to get into the front door (and my brothers and I thought that was cool!), and had one of the friendliest, warmest smiles you’d ever see on any human being! He’d always have time to chat with us for a few minutes, and became a genuine friend to the entire Hinson family.

The day he became my hero was when he notices I had a new guitar and was still trying to learn my first chords. He asked to see it, then propped that long leg of his up on a stool … and really played! I was in awe of this gentle giant and the way he played (even covering the lower “E” at the third fret with his thumb to make a deep “G” chord).

He picked out a few chords, then a song … and I’ll remember to my dying day the words he told me when I said, “Man, I wish I could play that good!” He replied, as he handed the guitar back to me, “You can! Keep learning … but have fun with it! In time, you’ll learn!”
From that point on, whenever I’d hear my brother yell, “Here comes the laundryman!”, I’d grab my guitar and wait … knowing that, once again, I’d hear those wonderful tunes he could pick …

A few months ago, it was my privilege … no, blessing … to talk with my old friend again after years of separation. He told me about his cancer, and the treatments he had to receive. But, most of all, we’d reminisce about old times, my parents, God, our families … and, of course, the music. He was just as humble, low-keyed, sweet (and, Lord, only my daddy could love his wife as much as Marshall did Doris!) and gentle as he was all those years ago.
He was so proud of his children Bob and Brenda, and his grandchildren … and appreciative of all the wonderful folks whom he’d met over the years.

Today, this wonderful friend is with the One he loved more than anything … and, if they allow guitars in Heaven, he’s bound to be layin’ back on a cloud up there, serenading the Lord with some beautiful music!

When Marshall Lemmond entered the Heavenly Gates a couple of days ago, I’m sure the angels were saying, with their eyes lighting up the same way ours did when we saw that old black truck stopping at our house,

“Here Comes The Laundryman”!!
__________________________________

WHY NOT FRANCHISE??

As I mentioned in an earlier post, jobs are gettin’ hard to find everywhere you go. So many people are paraphrasing an old quote from George Bernard Shaw and, not finding the job they’re looking for, proceed to make their own!
And one of the most successful ways is to consider buying a franchise. The benefits are amazing, because, though you’re goin’ into business for yourself, you’re not doing it by yourself! You’ll have a proven business strategy (used successfully by the company that’s sponsoring you), instant name recognition, fantastic supply lines, great support and so much more!
One of the fastest-growing franchises is the dollar store. You’ve probably seen a dozen or so this week already, so you know they’re successful!
If you really want to get into business for yourself — and, in doing so, beat that old wolf away from your financial door — then let me introduce you to a site that’s full of wonderful opportunities in franchising! You’re bound to find one you like as you check by industry or, if you’re female or a veteran, listings that are tailor-made for you! And you’ll also find a helpful financing link among the many helpful ones on-site!
So, for the best in franchising opportunities including the popular dollar store franchise just click on that link and find out more! You’ll be glad you did!

I was readin’ recently about The Charlotte Symphony’s Healing Hand troupe and how successful it’s been over the past ten years. Listen — this is something that I know from personal experience is a wonderfully therapeutic (as well as just downright satisfying) mission.

Y’see, about ten times a year, the Orchestra sends small groups of musicians to play in hospitals and retirement communities around our region. The benefits, of course, are gratifying: Seeing older couples remembering the songs they fell in love with; individuals recalling when they danced to this-or-that tune; or just melodies they can tap their foot or clap their hands to.

But there’s more to it than that. Here’s how I know:

Years ago, my daddy taught Sunday-School lessons at Tipton Brothers Nursing Home near Matthews — then went back in the afternoon (at 2:00 PM) to visit and, on occasion, bring a special bluegrass, gospel or children’s group with him. Sometimes, members of Stough Memorial’s choir would visit to sing old hymns.
Not only did the residents love the music — either tapping their feet, clapping or occasionally shouting in delight — but the director of the Home said that it boosted their spirits and actually made them feel physically better!

Shakespeare once said, “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast,” and nowhere is that more evident than in the fine work these young people do with The Healing Hand. Whether it’s at Presbyterian Hospital, Southminster Retirement Community or wherever, flutist Amy Whitehead, violinist Elizabeth Pistolesi cellist Deborah Kauffman Mishoe and/or others provide excellent inspiration, therapy — and just plain happiness — wherever they appear.
(Their next performance, by the way, will be at Presbyterian Hospital on December 15).

I suppose the best synopsis of their effect (and that of anyone who reaches out to the elderly and ill in a positive way) was offered by Ms. Whitehead: “You can see light across people’s faces. You can sense that you’re reaching them on some level.”
And I can tell ya first-hand, that’s the absolute truth …

WHO’S THE DADDY?

I know it sounds strange, but there are times, when a child is conceived, that the identity of the father may be in doubt. It’s a touchy situation, but one whose answer is obviously needed. Or, perhaps, years later, a child wants to know who his dad is for sure.
Now, there are quite a few ways to find that out, but that often requires asking numerous embarrassing questions (including of the mother), going from doctor to doctor, having numerous tests done … and, then, perhaps having them coming up inconclusive.
Fortunately, there’s one place where you can have DNA testing done privately, and, as you’ll see on the link I’m giving you in a second, they have some amazing national credentials (example: they were the ones who found that Larry Birkhead was the biological father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child!).
Not only will you be treated with respect and dignity, but you’ll also be able to find the best DNA test for you!
Now, this is the only DNA-testing lab to gain and uphold fourteen perfect inspections! So you know you’ll have the quality and accuracy you deserve!
So, if you or a loved one is in need of a paternity test, just click on that link you just passed.
Soon, you’ll have the answers you need …

Well, it looks like we’re in for it again, folks:
In a joint statement, the 120,000-memberScreen Actors Guild (SAG) said that forms authorizing another strike would be mailed to their members on Friday, January 2, and the results would be added up three weeks later on January 23.

Now, if only 75% of them approve a walkout, it would give SAG’s national board of directors the authority to call a strike when they think it’s necessary. The actors’ union (whose contract actually expired in June) is holding out for a greater share of royalties from sales and showings of their work on the Internet. This has been a thorn in their side since the last walkout by screenwriters, which cost the media about two billion dollars in revenue!

However, well-known actors, like Rhea Perlman (Taxi), Danny DeVito (Taxi, Batman Returns!, Twins and Perlman’s husband) and Eric Bogosian (Law and Order: Criminal Intent, “Alan Freed” in the new movie, “Cadillac Records”) believe it’s not only the wrong move to put actors out of work during this economic crunch but that it’s equally stupid for the royalties not to be paid on internet showings and sales (which, for some shows, has taken a chunk out of their Neilsen ratings).

The bottom line is that we could be lookin’ at more reruns than normal come February, ‘09 — unless the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP — aka the bad guys) come to their senses!

FOR YOUR HOME THEATER

Now, if you’re like most folks, you turn to DVDs or the movie channels like AMC or TCM when you’re wantin’ to settle back and get some good TV in, right?
But why not turn that movie or channel-surfing into a full-fledged event? The best way to do that is with your very own home theater (hey … it’s still not too late to ask Santa, right??).
And there’s one spot that’ll provide you with all you need to maximize your viewing pleasure! By clicking the link I’ll give you in a moment, you’ll find lighting, carpeting, storage, stands — even popcorn machines and posts with ropes like you’ll find in theaters! You’ll even find a spot for gift ideas!
But, wait … there’s more:
You’ll also get very affordable prices, free shipping, and service before and after the sale!
And their seating is amazing. I’ve tried a couple of their models myself, and they’re soooo comfortable, while adding a fabulous look to your theater area!
So why not click on the spot that has the best in home theater seating and make your viewing a completely enjoyable event?
Do it today … Santa still has room on his sleigh!!

Okay, so what’s great about these little rascals??

Well, here at The Eagle’s Nest, you’re bound to find three fruit varieties in and around the fridge: bananas, grapes and tangelos. Now, quick — which one do ya think this avarian handles most often? (Ever see one fly with a ‘nanner in his beak? Naaaah …)

Yep. Whether red, white, black, seedless, seeded or other (no muscadines, though dammit!), they’re even beside me on my office desk, for a quick, healthy pick-me-up between meals (yeah, I usedta like Pepsi-and-Tom’s-Peanuts — aka the redneck pick-me-up — but, since the requirement is for glass bottles, and they don’t make ‘em anymore, the grapes’ll haveta do!)

But there’s something more …

Y’see, there was a study where people who ate ‘em regularly experienced better blood flow in their brachial arteries in just three hours after eatin’ about one and a quarter cups of grapes (and, believe me, these things are nature’s Crackerjacks. Ya can’t stop with just one or two!) And, since they’re only about 60 calories per cup, it’s a pretty juicy deal!

Now, the researchers think it could be due to the antioxidants in grapes — it’s helps keep your blood vessels relaxed and blood free of all that plaque-gook. In fact, grapes may even help protect your blood vessels from fatty meals (probably why ya don’t see ‘em often in fast-food joints, huh?

DECEMBER 8, 1980

If you were anywhere near a radio or TV late that night, twenty-eight years ago, chances are your heart stopped beating for a moment as the words came from station newsdesks:

“… has just been confirmed that former Beatle John Lennon has been gunned down in front of the Dakota apartment building he shared with his wife, Yoko Ono.”

It was the night the world stood still … in grief because, after all, John Lennon was not only an icon of peace; he was the leader of The Beatles; in disbelief, because he was only 40 years old; and in complete shock and anger, because it wasn’t disease or an accident or an overdose that took his life (he’d already stopped the drug use, btw); it was an assassin’s bullet!

For a moment, let’s re-visit that night … as reported by the BBC:

Here’s how the story was broken in UK newspapers the night of his murder.

FACT: When Big WAYS 61 decided to drop their “oldies” format in favor of talk-radio, the very last song the legendary station played was “(Just Like) Starting Over” — from the “Double Fantasy” album, which was released only a month before John’s death. VERY fitting tribute!

Two legends are heading to the Queen City over the next week … in fact, on the same night!

First, one of the best-known songwriters/singers in the world is heading into Charlotte for a gig at the Time-Warner Cable Arena a week from today!
Neil Diamond, who cut his musical teeth as a songwriter in the legendary Brill Building in New York and developed into a fantastic singer in his own right, will be here as part of a new leg of a tour that had been interrupted by recurring throat problems. Fortunately, Diamond’s in fine voice now, and you can be assured of a wonderful night as he serenades you with hits from his past and present!

And soul artist John Legend – songwriter, pianist, singer and a man destined to become an icon in modern music — will be performing at Ovens Auditorium on the same night (and here’s a little 411: Just a few days later — the 28th, to be exact — Mr. Stephens [Legend's real last name] will be turning the ripe old age of 29!)

Either way, you can’t miss with these two powerhouses of sound and soul coming to town! Whether your taste in music is eclectic with a little rock thrown in, or soothing soul with some great piano work interlaced with it, you’re bound to find something you’re gonna fall in love with!

Now … doesn’t Christmas seem just a little merrier??

Okay … gotta ‘fess up here: I first produced this little piece a few years ago … but, considerin’ all that’s goin’ on here in the ‘08, I thought it’d be apro … apropri … cool to play it again today for yer readin’ pleasure. So, enjoy if ya can:

Hey, little … how ’bout gatherin’ ’round and let me read y’all a real good Christmas story, okay??
It’s called … well, it usedta be called The Night Before Christmas but, ummmm, I … well, I sorta added a few, er, afterthoughts to it.
Awwww, c’monnn … let’s try it out, and see whatcha think:

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (skeptic’s version)

(NOTE: These remarks are, in no way, a reflection of this writer’s feelings. As far as I know. Well, maybe …)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
(so they have MICE in their house, huh? THAT’S not good … in fact, it’s UNSANITARY!)

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
(it’s a shame … they don’t even have a working washer-dryer!)

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
(fervent Catholics? Maybe the last name of the washer repairman?)

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
(Awww. while MOST kids go to sleep thinkin’ of CARS, GAMES or SEX, they’re thinkin’ FOOD! Tsk … poor, starving waifs …)

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
(Suuuure: Man and wife, kids in bed, naked except for kerchief and cap. To sleep. Uh-huh …)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
(Probably just a stray dog. Why be so PARANOID?? Oh … that’s right: They’re, uh, “SLEEPing”!)

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
(Well, if he hadn’t eaten the sash to begin with … poor nutrition habits! [Huh? I dunno ... I guess it's imitation JAPANESE food or somethin' ... obviously, the KIDS didn't eat it. They're STARVING!])

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
(Now, why “breast”? Why not “scene” or “scape”? Sounds sexist to me! Oh, wait … they were “SLEEPING” … so I guess his mind was on … er, SLEEP. Yeah! Sounds about right …)

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
(THIS is one for PETA; poor little critters, pulling a fat dude, bag and stuff [see next lines])

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
(Yeah … right. “Little old” drivers are rarely “lively and quick”. Seen SOUTH BLVD. lately?)

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
(Rats. I was pullin’ for the washer repairman!)

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
(what in tarnation is a COURSER?)

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
(DAMN! He’s gonna wake up the KIDS, who are dreaming of “sugar plums” …)

Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
(”now” WHAT?!?)

On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!
(”ON” what??)

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
(Now, WHY doesn’t he use the DRIVEWAY like everyone ELSE?)

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
(Dash away all of what? That bearded bozo better leave my stuff alone and get to fixin’ that washin’ machine!)

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
(Umm … doesn’t this guy rake his LAWN?! And, dude, it’s snowing! How’dya know if there ARE leaves??)

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
(can anyone explain this line?)

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew
(I ask ya again … what’s a friggin’ COURSER?? Thoughtcha had REINdeer, bubba …)
with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
(sounds like ol’ SC was an afterthought! Oh … and forget the toys; let’s fricasee those REINDEER! Should taste better than “sash”!)

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
(DAMN! They’re gonna wake the kids, I tell ya! An’ who’s gonna replace those SHINGLES??)

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
(was he drawin’ it back to BUST that sumgun for makin’ all that racket?)

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
(waitaminnit. Isn’t that “entering without breaking”? And why was he carrying a “bound”? Is that North Pole “street cred” for a WEAPON or somethin’??)

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
(Awwww, CRAP! There goes the clean CARPET! Well, with the exception of the mouse droppings … )

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
(It’s late … strange dude looks like a peddler, breaking in through chimney … yep: five to ten at San Quentin at least!)

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
(WHOA! Sounds like daddy was gettin’ turned ON by the dude in red!)

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
(Man, this cat’s gonna set off the SMOKE DETECTOR!! An’ if the man’s WIFE hears that, she’s gonna hit the ROOF… and THAT”LL knock off all those tiny REINDEER! And then PETA will be on THEIR backs and …)

He had a broad face and a little round belly
that shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
(almost sounds like some bizarre PORNOGRAPHY, doesn’t it??)

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
(MAN, he was gettin’ aroused!!)

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
(Suuuure, he didn’t … didn’t Linda Blair do the same thing in “Exorcist”?)

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
and filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
(WAIT!! What … what was the “jerk” doing with him? When’d HE come into the picture?)

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
(HE’S GONNA BLOW A LUGIE!! HE’S A REDNECK! I KNEW IT!!)

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
(oh …)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
(hmph — earlier he called their names to get ‘em to move. Now he just whistles for ‘em?)

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
(what the heck?? Since when does a thistle have DOWN??)

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

(GEEZ … HE WOKE UP THE KIDS WITH ALL THAT CLATTER! NOW THE OWNER’S GOT
A CHIMNEY TO CLEAN
SOOTY FOOTPRINTS TO VACUUM
LYSOL TO SPRAY, TO GET THAT DAMNED PIPE SMOKE OUTTA THE ROOM
THE KIDS TO CALM DOWN and get back to (ahem!) “sugarplum-land”.
AN UNSATISFIED NEARLY-NEKKID WIFE WHO DOESN’T KNOW HE WAS MAKIN’ EYES AT SANTA …
A POSSIBLE POLICE REPORT TO FILE

EDITOR’S NOTE: So, here, we have the tragic story of an impoverished, fairly uneducated family who lives in unsanitary conditions. Then, one night, upon lying down after a questionable meal — and with his precious children so hungry they’re dreaming of food — the man of the house comes face-to-face with an intruder. The perp made his way into the house in unconventional fashion, and proceeds to make a mess. Strangely, the man becomes attracted to him … and doesn’t stop him or his accomplice (aka “a jerk”) from their crime.

Pity, isn’t it??

Awww, the heck with it … MERPYSONS CHRISTOLIDAYTINGS! (Well, it’s now 2008, and we’ve gotta be careful with our greeting, kids … so I”ve combined them all into one!)

PROMOTE YOURSELF!

Look … we all have a cause or business, sports team or church that we’d like to promote, right? I mean, on the one hand, it’ll bring in potential customers; on the other hand, supporters.
Unfortunately, our budgets can’t handle the cost of billboards, print ads and the like, so we feel like we’re stuck.
But why not promote your business in a way that thousands have done successfully — and that’s to imprint your logo or info on items that folks’ll actually use practically every day?
Imagine someone gettin’ ready for work (or to run an errand) grabs a hot cup of coffee then puts on a warm, fleece jacket to handle the cold trip … and both have your business’ name or logo on ‘em! Now, not only will that person know who you are, but will also thank you for providing something he can actually use today!
In just a moment, I’m gonna give you a link to the best place to get your name and/or logo professionally printed on just about anything … and at a cost that’s very wallet-friendly.
But they do more than just “imprint”. They actually guarantee that they’ll beat any competitors’ price, offer a live chat with one of their reps, just in case you have a question, and even help you track your order status!
You’ll be so pleased with the work they do (and the prices they have) that you’ll make these folks your home for promotional products. So, for the best in promoting your club, organization, business or church, just click on that link now!

ROCKNOTE: The above greeting was one coined as a collaboration between me and Lloyd Thaxton in 2006. As so many “politically correct” people wanna downplay the “CHRISTmas” thing, and others don’t see it as a HOLIDAY, we just combined “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Holidays” and “Season’s Greetings” all in one.

It’s doubtful that you’ll ever find a young child who hasn’t wanted a bicycle for Christmas — and we three Hinson boys weren’t any different. We’d spent the entire year of 1963, in fact, begging and pleading for Daddy to buy each of us one. After all, our sister’d had one for years, but it was a ‘girlie’ bike. We couldn’t be seen riding that over Morrow Avenue; all our friends would laugh at us. But he’d use the same reply every time: “Maybe for Christmas …”

Finally, at 6:00 that Christmas morning, we hopped out of our beds and into the living room — hoping that we wouldn’t be disappointed. Underneath the tree in the corner of the room were our presents — the standard fare of new shirts, pants, shoes and stuff. There were also a few of those new GI Joe action figures and some board games.

Then, in the other corner of the room, propped up against the couch, were two brand new Schwinn bikes! While we were overjoyed that Daddy hadn’t forgotten, we were puzzled. There were three of us, but only two bicycles! I especially took it hard, since each bike was labeled with one of my brothers’ names!

My face flushed and I began to panic. Where … where was MY bike? Daddy looked at me and said, “Chuck, we didn’t forget you. Look in the corner!” There was a long, flat box lying on the floor. Certain that he didn’t have time to unpack it, I tried to pick the box up. Not only was it heavy, but it sounded like a bunch of metal pieces were sliding around in it! I opened it just to find my bike in what seemed to be a hundred pieces!

Disappointed and embarrassed — I felt sure that they had played a practical joke on me — I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Then, after a moment of silence, Daddy spoke,

“Son, there’s your bike! You’ve just got to put it together!” I turned on my heels and half-cried, “But they got theirs already put together! Why not mine?” He laughed and said, “Don’t you see, son? If you put this together, you’ll learn how it works!” He knew I’d never had an interest in mechanics. “And, if you can do it, then you’ll be ‘one up’ on your brothers. They’ll come to you to fix their bikes, ’cause you’ll know how everything fits!”

So I pulled the box out to the den to start working on it. As I was laying out the different pieces, Daddy came in to talk with me for a moment (my brothers, as you could imagine, were already on the street, trying out their new wheels).

“Son, I know you’re mad because this thing wasn’t already put together. But the reason your mama and I did that was to show you something. You see, your brothers had theirs all put together and ready to ride. Wherever they go, they’ll know we gave them those ‘gifts’. Now, yours was in a lot of pieces, and you have to learn to put it together. It means that, wherever you pedal that thing, you’ll know you’ve been given a ‘talent’. One day, you’re gonna find out that, sometimes, when we ask God to give us something, he’ll give it to us in a hundred little pieces and want us to make what we need out of it. That way, we’ll not only learn how to make it, we’ll also learn how we can help others with the same need, if they ask us. We’ll know how to put the parts together the way they should be.” I stopped trying to fit the back wheel into the assembly, and just thought about what he’d said.
“So, the talent is greater than the gift?” I asked.
He stood there for a second, then quietly replied, “Son, a gift can always be returned or taken back. But a talent stays with you forever. Even though your life is a gift from God, one day it’ll return to Him. But the talent you learn here on earth will benefit others for years to come …”

Suddenly, that bicycle took on new meaning … and I learned a lesson that will forever stay with me.

THE BEAUTY OF FURNITURE

If there’s any “universal” Christmas gift on the market, it has to be furniture! We all know someone (even ourselves) who can use it.
But, of all the types and styles, the most popular over the years has been Moroccan furniture! You not only have the finest of artisanship and, of course, durability, but there’s a richness of the grain, a luster that’ll make you admire it for years to come!
With pieces handmade in Morocco, these skilled artisans do more than “make furniture”; they create true pieces of art!
So, with Christmas just a few weeks away, why not surprise your loved one with the beauty and warmth that this furniture brings? Just click on this link to take you to the most aesthetic and beautiful Moroccan furniture, and you’ll immediately see why this makes the perfect gift this season!
And, while you’re there, why not check their other items, like quality Moroccan chairs, rugs, jewelry and, of course, those famous Moroccan fountains? Remember, these wonderful works of art are available and ready-for-shipment! All you’ve gotta do is click on the Moroccan furniture link to find a veritable oasis of beauty and satisfaction!
Believe me, this is an experience you’ll not wanna miss. Imagine the beauty and warmth within your home this Christmas … courtesy these beautiful furnishings!

With all the talk goin’ on about the shape of the economy, folks around the nation (and ourarea) are turnin’ more and more to some very unique and innovative ways of handling the cash/job shortage.

Or … so they think!

Already, I’m hearin’ from people in Harrisburg, Pineville, Davidson and right here in town talkin’ about goin’ into business for themselves, doing service work (such as: repairing or detailing cars, doin’ handyman work, housekeeping or even becoming plumbers!).
Some … no, make that many … are starting vegetable gardens; whether they’re yard-size, like my daddy had, or just small planters in apartments, these are planted in hopes of deflecting the rising costs of food. Besides, “home-grown” is always better than the “canned” stuff, right?

Fortunately, Charlotte’s recycling plan is showing benefits during this crunch — but folks are going beyond that and learning how to re-use quite a few plastics, metals and other items we once took for granted.

We’re also learning the value of car-pooling, taking the CATS buses and light rail, and even just “hot-footin’ it” to wherever we need to go (I personally put in about seven to ten miles every day that way)!

But, y’know what? If we look back … say, fifty, sixty years ago … what were we doin’ then? Yep … the very same THING! And not only did we survive and bode well during those times, but we also were healthier, happier … and became stronger as a community!

These tough times aren’t gonna last forever … but the benefits that we derive from “tightening our belts” can stick with us for a lifetime!

WORD FROM LAS VEGAS …

Oh … forgot to tell ya: Got an email from the Stephens’ (remember? They were movin’ out to Nevada?). Well, they finally made it into Las Vegas, and they decided to check out the town by reserving a hotel that was close to the action. Besides, they had to wait a coupla days for their furniture and other stuff to arrive.

Anyway, they were totally confused about which one to take — until they found the site I’m gonna introduce you to in a moment. Not only does it have all the fab hotels in and around the sleepless city, but it’ll also give ya maps, where the pools are, tips to enjoy your vacation, and more!
Now, I’m not gonna tell ya which one they settled on, but I will say that, for anybody who’s going to Vegas for vacation, or as a stopover on a business trip or whatever reason, you’ll find this site invaluable! From choices (and, man, do you ever have quality choices!) to amenities, helpful tips to amazingly affordable prices, you’ll find it all when you book a las vegas hotel through these folks.
And it’s as simple as clicking that link I just gave you! So why not check it out, and plan your next vacation with their help? Your visit or vacation will be one you’ll remember for a lifetime … and, who knows? You just might run into a few folks you know!

There are stories … and there are lessons … and, fortunately, my siblings and I were blessed with two angels who provided one, but always included the other within them.

Yesterday, after a long, hard search, I found a song that I first heard on WSOC-FM back in August, 1990. The song’s first chorus went like this (I can’t write all the verses, of course, without permission from the owner. More about that in a minute):

He was sowin’ love … for the fam’ly.
He was sowin’ loooove. He took a little extra time
lookin’ forward to … a boun-ti-ful har-vest.
Like a good father does, he was sowin’ love

The night I heard that song for the first time also, sadly, was the night that humble, mighty man passed from his mortal shell into a free and serene world. Each time I hear it, I’ve gotta admit, I weep big time.

Now, the second verse dealt with mama, and, in the chorus, just substitute She for He. It’s that simple.
But that’s what Eola and Irene Hinson were truly like. No “working the rooms” or “socializing”, “putting on airs” or whatever; what you saw in public was what we saw … and then some … in private!

Paul Overstreet included that song on his album, Forever and Ever, Amen (a song he also wrote and which included another one of my faves, Seein’ My Father In Me). In performing that song, he painted a precise musical vignette of what occurred, first, in daddy’s magnificent garden in Pineville in spring of 1961, then in his “shop” (a little tin-roof building where, in the “office” part, he had a sewing-machine set up for mama to do her work freely) three years later.

As I wrote that piece on veterans, and finally came across the copy I downloaded. There’s much more to this story, but, suffice to say, over the past few days of illness, my mind has been flooded with memories … of good times … and the wonder of angels disguised as parents …
And, while you’ve heard me speak of them before, the reason I wrote this piece is to ask you to download or buy this song at your earliest opportunity — especially if you’re a parent of youngsters, or have warm memories of your own!
Just be ready to shed a few tears when ya hear it …

PERSONALIZATIONS

We’re all Carolina fans here, right (hey … what other color of blue is there??)? Well, either that or our hearts beat Bobcats or pump Panther blood!
Well, here’s your chance to show your support for the team of your choice (and let’s not forget all the fab high schools and kids’ teams we have out there!) by gettin’ them up-close and-personalized on woven blankets, afghans, pillows, wall hangings, towels and more!
Imagine the impact on the sports person in your family this Christmas when they open yer present with “their” team’s logo on it!
Here’s one that’ll really thrill ‘em: It’s a blanket with the team’s photo on it in full color! (what a keepsake!) It’s a “must-see” when ya click on the link I’m about to give you!
And get this — you can get these at great savings by just visiting the best online spot for sports gifts.
C’mon … it’s still a great sports season in Charlotte … and Christmas isn’t that far away!! So order now!

With our veterans being honored here at home, around the country and world, yesterday, I just felt the need to reflect a bit. (NOTE: AN IMPORTANT REQUEST FOLLOWS THIS POST. READ IT CAREFULLY, AND, IF YOU AGREE, LET’S ACT ON IT!)

Y’see, I came from a family of vets (including my sons, Tim and Mike; even I’m a veteran!). Three different wars (WW II, Vietnam, Iraq). And there’s something that deeply impresses me and, though I’m definitely against this damned war, makes me so proud of each and every one of these men and women, no matter which forces they serve:

They were, once, just bagboys, busboys or just kids gettin’ their kicks from revved-up engines, pretty girls or the latest video game on the Internet. Others were already married, but having a hard time gettin’ their finances, feelings and other things in order to transition from “single” to “married”. Still others were irresponsible, opting for Dad or Mom to carry them when they could’ve been out working and helping. Many times, they were just plain disrespectful of anybody who wasn’t their “bud”.

Then … they enlisted. They made it through boot camp. AIT. Then … to the quartermaster to gear up for an overseas tour in a war-embattled area …

And they came back …

They’re now well-mannered and disciplined heroes. Oh, they still love revved-up engines, pretty girls or the latest video game on the Internet — but they know they have their place. There are other things that have priority. And as far as the girls? They’ve learned respect. Others were already married when they left, but, upon returning, they have a tremendous love for their wives/husbands and/or children. They’re intent on working out any challenge they have in order to have a happy family life.
They’ve become responsible, not wanting Dad or Mom to carry them. You see, they learned the worth of hard work and discipline. And, today, they’ve learned to respect every person, regardless of race, creed, sex, color, age or religion.

And get this: They’ll be our city, town, county, state and Federal leaders one day!! And, from what I’ve been able to see and experience, we’re gonna be in great hands in the future!

So, veterans, this Relic bows his head and thanks God for each of you … no matter where or which war you served … YOU ARE OUR HEROES!

SPECIAL REQUEST: It’s really a shame that our young people can go over to foreign soil and fight, showing the ultimate devotion to this country …
YET CAN’T EVEN GO INTO A STORE AND BUY A SINGLE BEER WHEN THEY GET BACK … BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT 21!

Whatcha think, people? Charlotte Observer staff who reads this? TV anchors who read this? Can we effect a change?? For our heroes??
Write every Mayor, Congressman, Governor, etc that you can think of!
Forty years ago, we started a protest to give 18-year-olds the right to vote! We’ve still got it in us to help out now!
(and, yes, I’ve already mailed my letters … and sent emails … where are yours?)

MORE ON DIET SUPPLEMENTS

In my travels around the states and Canada, I’ve run across so many people who want to lose weight … and that’s good! But … there are loads of products that make promises and tell you absolutely nothing about their high-priced “pills”.
That’s not good, obviously; you’ll want a business that’ll not only provide you the best choices at the lowest prices, but will actually explain the “whats”, “whys”, “side effects” of their products, and much more! That way, you can make an intelligent decision!
And, listen … as you’ll see when you click on the link I’m about to give you, you’ll get just that! If fact, there are quite a few celebrities who endorse these specific pills (like Julia Roberts, Oprah Winfrey and Angelina Jolie)!
Now, like I said, it only takes a click of this link to take you to the best in weight loss pills. You’ll appreciate their products, their information — and their prices! So why not click there now, okay?