Charlotte, NC

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CHARMECK!! If there’s one sentence that describes the beginning of ‘09 it’s the catchphrase from Monty Python:

“And now for something completely different …”

Now, most folks have made at least one resolution, right?? But, y’know, sometimes, these can come as a result of lessons learned in the year that’s just passed. One of my very first resolutions was made on December 31, years ago (and, fortunately, became an indelible part of this old bird’s psyche).
It was borne from an incident that happened on my birthday that year. That being said, here’s the Double-E’s New Years story:

LIFE and the REAR-VIEW MIRROR …

Remember your very first car? It was usually a sign that your folks finally trusted you enough to have some personal freedom and responsibility. Mine was an old 1966 Ford Fairlane — an olive green machine that ran as rough as it looked.
Oh, it was fine sitting in the driveway, but on the road, if something didn’t “clink,” “clank” or “clunk,” it fell off! And, whenever I went out for a spin, the vibration from the car shook my rear-view mirror, throwing it off-center. It seemed that, every other mile, I had to try and fix it while driving.

One Sunday afternoon shortly after getting the car, I came close to colliding with someone while I was busy trying to do just that. When I got home, I parked the car and stomped into the house, where my parents were watching TV. “Oh, THANKS, Dad,” I snapped in sarcastic frustration. “THAT car runs BEAUTIFULLY!” Then I told him about the mirror and the near-accident.
He listened intently, then, as mama reached over to turn the TV down, he asked, “You mean you were more concerned with that blamed MIRROR than you were with what was in FRONT of you?” Now feeling both embarrassed and a bit ashamed, I nodded my head “yes”.
He and mama looked at each other as he continued, “Son, you should’ve gotten that thing fixed before you went out!” Then mama added, “Besides, nobody can get where they’re going if they’re always looking at where they’ve been.” As daddy smiled at the wisdom of her statement, I stood there, thinking about it.

Concentrating on the past is like driving while focusing only on your rear-view mirror. It doesn’t take long before you end up with an accident! Just as you’d watch the road in front of you to drive safely, the only way to move ahead in any endeavor is to focus on what’s ahead … and don’t look back!

Of the Top Forty things that causes depression, retrospection — the “shoulda, woulda, coulda, didn’t” factor — tops the charts. Of course, qualified counselors and psychotherapists will occasionally use that as part of a successful therapy, but, otherwise, we need to get away from it as fast as possible! You see, it’s nothing but thought-poison! Living in the past while wanting a happy, progressive life is like wanting a smooth, fizzy soft drink — but drinking water out of the toilet!

The past is something we’ve experienced, but there’s no way to go back and change it. It’s gone. Let’s put it this way: When we’ve put our trash on the curb for pickup by the city, we let it go! We don’t run after the trash truck yelling “WAIIIIIIT!” We move on …

“Moving on” also means changing our way of thinking a bit. There’s a popular and appropriate saying these days: “If you keep thinking what you always thought, you’ll keep getting what you always got.”
If we’re constantly dwelling in the past, and they’re negative memories, then we’ll keep battering our emotional selves and NEVER move into any sort of wellness! Rev. Leroy Boyd (from Tirzah, S.C.) told me that “dwelling on the past is like walking through the devil’s back yard at midnight. You’re either gonna wake him up or step in something that’ll make you stink!”
Look — we can’t change the past, and it’d be foolhardy to try and relive it. But it’s easy to become retrospective in our thought process. The words “If only I had done …” or “I should’ve/would’ve/could’ve/didn’t”, or just a simple reflection on past situations can depress us and cause us to lose focus on those things we really need.

Now, when we’re lookin’ ahead at the ‘09 in Crown Town and vicinity, we’ve gotta make sure that we’re focused on what we’ve got before us. I’ve run across people from Fort Mill to Kannapolis who’ve said “If she’d just … we’d've had …” or “I wish this hadn’t happened …” or “(fill in the space) did this-or-that … and I miss …”. Hey … remember the resolution part: Do your best to make the best out of every situation NOW, and you can avoid most negative responses!

Okay … now, go on and enjoy the rest of this first day of 2009. Hope it’s a fantastic and optimistic year for you all!

Hey … what’s a New Year without ‘em, huh?? Well, if you’re havin’ a hard time makin’ ‘em, let Double-E help(’member? Now the Electric Eagle? I left the Relic behind in the old year …).

But, first, this breaking story:
The U.S. Postal Service just announced that a series of stamps are gonna be released August 11 to honor the old black and white television shows of the past. Among them: The Dinah Shore Show, The Ed Sullivan Show, Red Skelton Show, Steve Allen’s Tonight Show, The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet (son Ricky Nelson does not appear on that one), I Love Lucy, Dragnet, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Burns & Allen, Hopalong Cassidy, The Honeymooners, Howdy Doody, Kukla Fran and Ollie, Lassie, The Lone Ranger, Perry Mason, The Phil Silvers Show, Texaco Star Theater and The Twilight Zone.
Hmph … it’s about time! If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the old shows we watched on BTV and SOC, it’s that ya can’t beat quality!

NOW … THE RESOLUTIONS (actually, they’re called AFFIRMATIONS here):

As I read these the first time, it seemed obvious that these could help anyone! So jot ‘em down:

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.

6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.

8. I am at one with my duality.

9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.

10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!”

13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future?

16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working.

17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.

Okay … with those bein’ said, and th’ clock tickin’, lemme wish for you and yours and theirs and mine and ours and others a GREAT year comin’ up (hey … it’s just as good as we wanna make it, right??).

So …

C’mon, 2009 — hit us with yer best shot!

Santa Claus may be able to fly around the world in a sleigh, but even he can’t cross North American airspace without NORAD (North American Air Defense Command) knowing about it.
For more than a half-century, this joint American-Canadian venture that keeps this continent safe against aerial attack has used its technology to follow Santa’s journey and provide real-time updates on his location to children worldwide.

The North Warning System, a network of 47 radars strung across the continent’s northernmost frontier, tells NORAD when St. Nick takes off from the North Pole. Infrared satellites track the jolly old elf’s flight path once he’s airborne.
“The satellites actually pick up an infrared signature from Rudolph’s nose,” Navy Lt. Desmond James says.

Once he touches down, a little-known network of surveillance cameras called “Santa Cams” transmit images of Santa making deliveries. This network went online 10 years ago,
and NORAD officials swear it’s used only on Christmas Eve.

HOW IT STARTED

Sears-Roebuck had put an ad in the local paper listing Santa’s phone number, but the number was misprinted. Instead of ringing the department store, it rang a national defense operations center.
A technician got the first call, and rather than being a Scrooge, he told the tyke, “Let me check the radar.”

A tradition was born.

In the half century since, NORAD has expanded and updated the program, which provides updates in seven languages. “We added the online component ten years ago,” James says. “And today, Google software outputs images from the Santa Cams, and Google Maps and Google Earth, we can track Santa Claus’ trajectory.”

Now your child can keep an eye on where Santa is, and if he’s close to your house. Just click on the noradsanta.org website.

Okay … we’ve got more comin’ up in less than 24 hours. So keep it right here, and remember …

When ya see the shadow crossing … the Eagle’s in the air!”

First, lemme give you a quick “heads-up”:

NBC’s “Today” show is heading for prime-time, if only for one night.

On December 22, Matt Lauer, Meredith Veira, Al Roker and Ann Curry are going to be hosting an hour-long review of the year’s biggest news events (I assume they mean “to that point”. Fortunately, it won’t be all news, though; the show will include big moments in pop culture and some hysterical “Today” show bloopers. So be sure to tune in to your NBC affiliate on Monday!

WHERE’S THE BEEF?? ON … ME?!?!

It sounds almost like something outta Saturday Night Live.

Burger King™ has unveiled a new cologne/body spray for men (at least, I hope it’s for men only) that smells … like beef!

Now, I dunno about you, but it seems to me that, when ya wear cologne, it’s meant to attract the opposite sex, not salivating dogs, cats, or the chronically-starved!

And what happens if you wear the BK cologne in McDonald’s? Would they have you arrested for harassment?

Or what if you grabbed it by mistake and sprayed it on before going to church? Probably have the shortest sermon ever, as, within fifteen feet of you, folks’ stomachs start growling for their Sunday dinner!

Well, it could be worse … Kentucky Fried Chicken could have a cologne out, too (remember the female employees who took a bath in their dish sink?).

ONE MORE WORD (or two)

No sooner had I written the post hoping that investigators would be more careful with the Caylee Anthony case than they were with Adam Walsh’s than we get the report that the meter reader had to call them four times before they took action!

This is gonna take some serious following, because it appears now that the Orange County (Fla.) Sheriff’s Department is under fire for their apathetic attitude toward the discovery.

More on this as it develops, of course.

That’s it for now, but stay tuned … there’ll be more in 24!

Okay … gotta ‘fess up here: I first produced this little piece a few years ago … but, considerin’ all that’s goin’ on here in the ‘08, I thought it’d be apro … apropri … cool to play it again today for yer readin’ pleasure. So, enjoy if ya can:

Hey, little … how ’bout gatherin’ ’round and let me read y’all a real good Christmas story, okay??
It’s called … well, it usedta be called The Night Before Christmas but, ummmm, I … well, I sorta added a few, er, afterthoughts to it.
Awwww, c’monnn … let’s try it out, and see whatcha think:

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (skeptic’s version)

(NOTE: These remarks are, in no way, a reflection of this writer’s feelings. As far as I know. Well, maybe …)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
(so they have MICE in their house, huh? THAT’S not good … in fact, it’s UNSANITARY!)

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
(it’s a shame … they don’t even have a working washer-dryer!)

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
(fervent Catholics? Maybe the last name of the washer repairman?)

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
(Awww. while MOST kids go to sleep thinkin’ of CARS, GAMES or SEX, they’re thinkin’ FOOD! Tsk … poor, starving waifs …)

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
(Suuuure: Man and wife, kids in bed, naked except for kerchief and cap. To sleep. Uh-huh …)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
(Probably just a stray dog. Why be so PARANOID?? Oh … that’s right: They’re, uh, “SLEEPing”!)

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
(Well, if he hadn’t eaten the sash to begin with … poor nutrition habits! [Huh? I dunno ... I guess it's imitation JAPANESE food or somethin' ... obviously, the KIDS didn't eat it. They're STARVING!])

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
(Now, why “breast”? Why not “scene” or “scape”? Sounds sexist to me! Oh, wait … they were “SLEEPING” … so I guess his mind was on … er, SLEEP. Yeah! Sounds about right …)

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
(THIS is one for PETA; poor little critters, pulling a fat dude, bag and stuff [see next lines])

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
(Yeah … right. “Little old” drivers are rarely “lively and quick”. Seen SOUTH BLVD. lately?)

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
(Rats. I was pullin’ for the washer repairman!)

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
(what in tarnation is a COURSER?)

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
(DAMN! He’s gonna wake up the KIDS, who are dreaming of “sugar plums” …)

Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
(”now” WHAT?!?)

On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!
(”ON” what??)

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
(Now, WHY doesn’t he use the DRIVEWAY like everyone ELSE?)

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
(Dash away all of what? That bearded bozo better leave my stuff alone and get to fixin’ that washin’ machine!)

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
(Umm … doesn’t this guy rake his LAWN?! And, dude, it’s snowing! How’dya know if there ARE leaves??)

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
(can anyone explain this line?)

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew
(I ask ya again … what’s a friggin’ COURSER?? Thoughtcha had REINdeer, bubba …)
with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
(sounds like ol’ SC was an afterthought! Oh … and forget the toys; let’s fricasee those REINDEER! Should taste better than “sash”!)

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
(DAMN! They’re gonna wake the kids, I tell ya! An’ who’s gonna replace those SHINGLES??)

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
(was he drawin’ it back to BUST that sumgun for makin’ all that racket?)

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
(waitaminnit. Isn’t that “entering without breaking”? And why was he carrying a “bound”? Is that North Pole “street cred” for a WEAPON or somethin’??)

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
(Awwww, CRAP! There goes the clean CARPET! Well, with the exception of the mouse droppings … )

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
(It’s late … strange dude looks like a peddler, breaking in through chimney … yep: five to ten at San Quentin at least!)

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
(WHOA! Sounds like daddy was gettin’ turned ON by the dude in red!)

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
(Man, this cat’s gonna set off the SMOKE DETECTOR!! An’ if the man’s WIFE hears that, she’s gonna hit the ROOF… and THAT”LL knock off all those tiny REINDEER! And then PETA will be on THEIR backs and …)

He had a broad face and a little round belly
that shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
(almost sounds like some bizarre PORNOGRAPHY, doesn’t it??)

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
(MAN, he was gettin’ aroused!!)

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
(Suuuure, he didn’t … didn’t Linda Blair do the same thing in “Exorcist”?)

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
and filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
(WAIT!! What … what was the “jerk” doing with him? When’d HE come into the picture?)

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
(HE’S GONNA BLOW A LUGIE!! HE’S A REDNECK! I KNEW IT!!)

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
(oh …)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
(hmph — earlier he called their names to get ‘em to move. Now he just whistles for ‘em?)

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
(what the heck?? Since when does a thistle have DOWN??)

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

(GEEZ … HE WOKE UP THE KIDS WITH ALL THAT CLATTER! NOW THE OWNER’S GOT
A CHIMNEY TO CLEAN
SOOTY FOOTPRINTS TO VACUUM
LYSOL TO SPRAY, TO GET THAT DAMNED PIPE SMOKE OUTTA THE ROOM
THE KIDS TO CALM DOWN and get back to (ahem!) “sugarplum-land”.
AN UNSATISFIED NEARLY-NEKKID WIFE WHO DOESN’T KNOW HE WAS MAKIN’ EYES AT SANTA …
A POSSIBLE POLICE REPORT TO FILE

EDITOR’S NOTE: So, here, we have the tragic story of an impoverished, fairly uneducated family who lives in unsanitary conditions. Then, one night, upon lying down after a questionable meal — and with his precious children so hungry they’re dreaming of food — the man of the house comes face-to-face with an intruder. The perp made his way into the house in unconventional fashion, and proceeds to make a mess. Strangely, the man becomes attracted to him … and doesn’t stop him or his accomplice (aka “a jerk”) from their crime.

Pity, isn’t it??

Awww, the heck with it … MERPYSONS CHRISTOLIDAYTINGS! (Well, it’s now 2008, and we’ve gotta be careful with our greeting, kids … so I”ve combined them all into one!)

PROMOTE YOURSELF!

Look … we all have a cause or business, sports team or church that we’d like to promote, right? I mean, on the one hand, it’ll bring in potential customers; on the other hand, supporters.
Unfortunately, our budgets can’t handle the cost of billboards, print ads and the like, so we feel like we’re stuck.
But why not promote your business in a way that thousands have done successfully — and that’s to imprint your logo or info on items that folks’ll actually use practically every day?
Imagine someone gettin’ ready for work (or to run an errand) grabs a hot cup of coffee then puts on a warm, fleece jacket to handle the cold trip … and both have your business’ name or logo on ‘em! Now, not only will that person know who you are, but will also thank you for providing something he can actually use today!
In just a moment, I’m gonna give you a link to the best place to get your name and/or logo professionally printed on just about anything … and at a cost that’s very wallet-friendly.
But they do more than just “imprint”. They actually guarantee that they’ll beat any competitors’ price, offer a live chat with one of their reps, just in case you have a question, and even help you track your order status!
You’ll be so pleased with the work they do (and the prices they have) that you’ll make these folks your home for promotional products. So, for the best in promoting your club, organization, business or church, just click on that link now!

ROCKNOTE: The above greeting was one coined as a collaboration between me and Lloyd Thaxton in 2006. As so many “politically correct” people wanna downplay the “CHRISTmas” thing, and others don’t see it as a HOLIDAY, we just combined “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Holidays” and “Season’s Greetings” all in one.

I dunno … is it just me, or is anybody else kinda bumfuzzled about this new Internet Explorer 8?

All right … I know it’s a new version, with some of the kinks still havin’ to be worked out.  But, with the workload this Relic has each day on the desktop, I’ve gotta have the fastest and most dependable server. 
And, quite frankly, I’m just not seein’ it yet … at least not with this one!

Yeah, there are some new features (like, bein’ able to open duplicate tabs, have “compatibility views” [that is, able to check webpages out that aren't up-to-speed with this newer edition!] and other things).  But I’ve always thought that, the simpler a browser, the quicker you work with it!
So far (even as I write this!), I’ve hit one key that’s brought another IE8 “homepage” up, had stuff wanna “install” that I didn’t ask for, and other little doohickies that are just a little annoying!

Soooooooo … if the new SeaMonkey I’ve downloaded (HEY!! It’s a BROWSER, all right??  No jokes!!) doesn’t work out (… come to think of it, it does sound a little funny …), then the next post just may be on plain, white, college-lined paper and mailed to ya …

SOMETHING TO DIET FOR …
Most of us, at one time or the other, have been on diets, right??  Whether we just decided to or have done so on doctor’s orders, we’ve run through the gamut of books, magazines, TV ads and drug store aisles, trying to find the right supplement that would help us.  And it can be frustrating …
BUT …
Today there’s a great site available that reviews the best-selling diet supplements, giving you its description, weight loss rating, and benefits – and that’ll help you find exactly the one you’re looking for!  It’ll even show you where the product can be found at the lowest price!!

So, if you’re lookin’ for a newer, slimmer you, then click on the link that’ll take you to the diet pill reviews you’ll need to choose the right supplement!

Awww, c’mon … you’re bound to have seen the best Obama campaign video EVER!!  If not, I’ll give you the link in just a minute.

Y’see, Ron Howard, Andy Griffith and Henry WInkler reprised their roles as Opie, Sheriff Andy Taylor and The Fonz (hmph … as if ya didn’t know, right??) for an ad touting Sen. Barack Obama as the best Presidential candidate.

If only for three minutes-and-change, we were taken back to Mayberry (okay, who down here doesn’t know where that is??) … and then to the leather-jacketed hero of Arnold’s, leanin’ against a ‘57 Chevy where Opie turned into Richie.  

Both vignettes caried the famous style of the TV shows on which they were based: Andy and “Ope” by the fishin’ hole, with the famous “whistling” tune was in the background (btw, the man who did the actual whistling, Earle Hagen – who also composed the tune called “The Fishin’ Hole” — died recently), was warm and family-oriented — and filmed in black-and-white!
The other one, with Richie and Fonzie, had the Fifties music in the background, the humor and coolness that’s identified with Winkler’s character — and even was the same-grade color film as the original show!

It’s one you’ve just gotta see!  Though just posted over the past coupla days, it’s already gotten nearly one million hits!

See for yourself at Funny-Or-Die.com.

Whether you’re votin’ for Obama or McCain, you’re still gonna enjoy the trip down memory lane (and, btw, Henry hasn’t lost “the look”) …

Well, nobody can say she doesn’t have a sense of humor …

As around 14 million Americans have seen, Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin went on NBC’s Saturday Night Live this past weekend, in vignettes at the beginning of the show (she even got to say those immortal words, “Live From New York … it’s SATURDAY NIGHT!!”) and in their “Weekend Update” segment (btw, that was not her husband dancing with the moose! Just an actor that looked like him.).

In other words, you could’ve easily missed her!

Now, one of the original SNL’ers, actor/comedian Chevy Chase, doesn’t think Gov. Palin should’ve been on the show.

“Quite frankly, it’s a big mistake to let her go on. What was brilliant about (‘SNL’ chief) Lorne (Michaels) was that he had nothing written for Sarah and that apparently she cannot improvise herself out of a paper bag! On ‘Weekend Update,’ that was her big chance. Nothing.”

Still, the concensus of most Crown Towners who watched her brief appearance is that she did okay.
Y’see, it’s sorta like Dr. “Bones” McCoy tellin’ Capt. Kirk, “Dammit, Jim, I’m a DOCTOR, not a (whatever)”.
Although she gave it a good shot, she’s telling America, “Goshdarn it, I’m a VP Candidate, not a comedian!”
You betcha!

THE BEST SWITCH

No, I’m not talkin’ about the one mama used on you as a kid; I’m talking about one that routes high-def video and digital sounds (audio) to you from any one of three different sources. Imagine, for example, you want to get video from a satellite system, or a Blu-Ray© disc or whatever. Well, this splitter/router will do it for you!
Using only 15 watts of power, it’s certainly gonna be energy-efficient! You’ll also get a remote and a one-year warranty … all from the folks who are famous for their low prices, high quality and excellent customer care!
So, if you’re looking for the best HDMI switch, just click on the link you just passed! And make the switch today!!

By now you oughtta know that, when that pic goes up, I’ve gone to do some more in-ring jawjackin’ for the OCW in Kentucky.
And, all told, it was a great night — excitement, punches, grunts and groans (and that was just when my car cut off on me as I was comin’ off 77 to I-64!). The show, though, was fantastic (I worked as the Relic this time … and as a heel [bad guy] announcer!).

But, after the show ended — back in the dressing room with the wrestlers (and, listen — we’ve got a great crop of ‘em comin’ into the mainstream now! Family-oriented, tired of the crap fed to fans by the WWE, they’re in it for the same reasons as the George Beckers and Johnny Weavers, Great Bolos and Haystacks Calhouns of the past), a couple of ‘em took me aside and started askin’ about our wrestling — the great Mid-Atlantic era, when Jim Crockett, Sr. was at the helm and Big Bill Ward was behind the mic!

Talk about memories floodin’ back: The Kentuckians (Tiny Anderson & Big Boy Brown) with Tiny blowin’ his antler-horn to boost his partner; the “saves” by the Scott Brothers (George and Sany); Blackjack Mulligan breakin’ Tim Woods’ (Mr. Wrestling’s) hand during a ringside interview; Boris Malenko havin’ his false teeth knocked out by a Wahoo McDaniel chop — after which an angry Chief stomped on ‘em!

As we talked, I felt a sense of pride that, in wrestling as in business, our city has made an impact! Some of these guys were from New York, others from LA, Canada — even from a foreign land! But they all seemed to get off on hearing about our great wrestling org … as Bob Caudle used to call it, “the major league of professional wrestling” … and the grandaddy of ‘em all … MID-ATLANTIC CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

Well, it’s about that time …
In just a few, I’ve — er, The Rock Relic’s — gotta head back up to the tall timbers of Kentucky for an appearance at the Ohio Championship Wrestling show.
Actually, it’s not a bad gig at all, since wrestling and rock-n-roll shows are pretty much the same: fever-pitch excitement, music, performances by some of the greats in their field, etc.
And a lot of these indie (for “independent” … ie, non-WWF or TNA) wrestlers have made their mark on the Charlotte circuit as well. In fact, former WCW star, Bobby Blaze (now OCW Commissioner) was proud to tout the Queen City as his home.

But wait … first, they had to meet the one requirement for my alter ego to appear (well, other than a little reimbursement for expenses): If you want The Rock Relic to appear at your show, you’ve GOTTA BE FAMILY-FRIENDLY!! Bottom line, and ’nuff said!
Fortunately, they are non-offensive (I know … a rarity in the “sport”, right??). But, believe me, these cats do pull the crowds each time they put up that “squared circle”!
So, given that last sentence, maybe there’s hope for pro wrestling after all!
(Oh … for you fans: The wrestler ya see in the pic up there is my friend, Damian Adams. He, as with the great Mason Raige, are the future of the sport (and two of the finest and most talented gentlemen you’d ever wanna meet!)

VESSEL SINKS

Now, for you who aren’t really sure what those are, get ready for an amazing and eclectic mix of beauty and durability! If you’re ever tired of looking at a bland sink that’s hard to clean and maintain, they you’ll want one of these beautiful stone sinks!
Built from the product of actual quarries (how much more “eco-friendly” can you get?), they’re put through rigorous inspections to be assure their durability. Each one is hand-made as well … and, as you know, if it’s meticulously hand-made, the creator is going to guarantee its quality!
Now, since you’re going straight to the source here, you’re going to spend a lot less than you would at a retailer you’d find in a phone book, etc.
Their main concern is your satisfaction … and, with the selection, the beauty, the quality and the price, these usable pieces of art will definitely satisfy!!
To find out more, just click on this link that’ll take you to the finest selection of handcrafted and affordable vessel sinks on the market!
Believe me, you’ll really be glad you did — especially when you see how it’ll adorn your home!

Uh-huh … that’s me — first cup clears the fuzz, second one brings the buzz …
Naaaah … you know it’s a squirrel (and who says I’m not a little “squirrelly”??). But, when the furry creatures come to mind, ya automatically think of what??

NUTS!! Ya either have ‘em, eat ‘em, or are goin’ ‘em! Now, bein’ a Carolina boy, I guess the first two are pretty obvious. But what’s wrong with “goin’ nuts” on occasion? I mean, in the good sense.
Y’see, we’ve gotten so pre-occupied with the bills, ills, pills and chills of life that we forget about havin’ a few thrills every once-in-awhile!

I mean, when ya think about The Beatles, only part of your memories are about the music. Yeah, part of ‘em involves their individual personalities, but …

part of ‘em also remembers their madcap zest for life (I had both at one time, but my subscription ran out on one, and the other made my skin break out in italics oh, ye of wisdom shall know of what I speak. You’ve been down the soap aisle …).

These cats wanted to hit it big (in fact, early-on, John would yell “WHERE WE GOIN’?”, to which the others would respond, “TO THE TOP!” And, lemme tell ya, they didn’t mumble it, either!) and they did it by takin’ a lot of chances. They had an attitude that was unbeatable!
Ahhhh, but the rest of society — especially those over-30 — told ‘em againandagainandagain:

Are you NUTS??

And guess what the companion line was? Uh-huh … inevitably followed by “YOU can’t do that”! So they made it into a song.

Anyway, I said all that to say this: I recently got some email wonderin’ why I don’t write in … er, “proper” English (I reckon she means “without contractions”. Ya can’t go through anything without ‘em, ma’am! If ya have young’uns, you should know that by now …) and stop “foolin’ around” (huh?? At my age?? Who’d have me?? Oh … I get it …).
But, y’see, we don’t talk fancy when we’re with friends, right?? We want it all to exude life and happiness. Well, the purpose of any writing I do is to liven it all up a bit … make ‘em places where every person’s welcome and has fun as well as hopefully learn something! If it comes across as “nuts” or “zany”, so be it.

In fact, I’m gonna add a libbit to the zaniness:
First, here’s that vid y’all liked, called THE LEGENDS OF DOO-WOP
(by the way, you’ll never listen to Buddy Holly’s music the same way again!)

Now, for the second thing:

I’m officially openin’ my new MySpace space as well as the new Rock Relic site. See whatcha think and get back to me … if you’ve got any cool local sites you’d like me to add to the ‘Space, just lemme know.

NEEDIN’ A JOB?

Though many of us hold some kind of employment already, there are thousands of folks in our region who are lookin’ for decent, good-paying jobs. Of course, with the economy being in the shape it is, a weekly/biweekly paycheck is essential!
Now, the standard way to look, natch, is to either scour the Observer on Sunday, go through the ESC or even consider temp agencies. Otherwise, you’re just poundin’ the streets, hopin’ to run across the right one!
But there is a better way:
In a moment, I’m gonna give you a link to a site that’s so unique and precise that you’ll not only have a greater chance of landing that all-important job, but one that’s in your field … and at better pay!
Y’see, they have various “channels” in their network that can direct you to the job tailored for you! You can post a resume, find industry reports and success stories, and more! Whether it’s by skill or by city, you can find what you’re looking for — and more quickly — by clicking on the link that’ll bring you a more successful job search.
So save the shoe leather and go there today to enjoy a more productive tomorrow!

Until later, that’s gonna be it for this episode … (oh … are yer friends & neighbours a little confused by yer zaniness? Worry not: NUTS spelled backward is STUN!)

THIS IS A SPECIAL REPORT:

The kid on yer left? No, it isn’t Bobby Rydell (though he looked a little like it in this pic).

Actually, it’s my younger brother, Dick, back in 1969. Some of you may remember him as a grad of South Meck, Class of ‘71.
He was also the drummer in my band for awhile, until he gave up the stix to get into photography. As he grew, he became a helluva nice guy, very down-home, and a true “family-man” (yep, he was a bit rowdy way-back-when!).

But, last night, that warm heart was stilled, when my sis called to inform me that he’d just died of a sudden, massive heart attack at the age of 54. Didn’t even make it to the hospital …

Now, there’s a lotta reflectin’ that I could do at this point. But, in the interest of time and space, lemme just share a few smiles about my younger bro, Charles Richard Hinson:

When mama and daddy brought him home from the hospital, two-year-old Chucky (and don’t call me that unless ya love me, k?) took a hankerin’ to his hair, and started lickin’ it regularly. When he died, Dick was the only one of us Hinson boys who wasn’t bald on top! (as an aside, didja know that cow spit can keep ya from goin’ bald? Is there a connection? Nobody around here knows … or wants to know …)

Once, when Steve (my youngest bro) and Jimmy (my cousin and bassist) were in K-Mart® with Daddy, and in a very narrow aisle, Dick … er, “cut some cheese” (no offense, Mousers!) and, since there were people comin’ into the aisle, took off running with Jimmy and Steve in tow! That left Daddy with a terrible scent wafting through the aisle … and some accusing looks from the shoppers!

In 1964, I was on my bed, strummin’ my brand-new nylon-stringed Sears® Silvertone™ guitar (it sounded great, even without the ™ !), when I heard a bloodcurdling yell from my 11-year-old brother: “HEY! COME WATCH THIS!!” After I uncurdled my blood, I ran in to the living room where he had flipped the channel to the first episode of The Lloyd Thaxton Show.
Man, I was riveted. After sobering up(small joke. I was only 14!), I was still enthralled by this crazy man with the groovy music (records and in-the-flesh acts!) and dancing all around him. So What?? I’ve become a lifelong LT fan … and am blessed to know him now as a cherished friend as well!

During our last song at a show in Pineville, NC in late ‘66 (the Astronauts/Monkees’ Steppin’ Stone), Dick started to show his “Keith Moon” side during the last bridge. His excuse: “I got so caught up in it, I didn’t know what I was doin’!” The kid had a great musical future if he’d taken it …

in fact, he built his own stage with about a dozen-plus speakers built-in! Now, remember: this was small-town, quiet-as-a-mouse town Pineville, NC (well, it was back then!)

Yup … only used the stage one time …

He wrote me on occasion while I was in the Army, and, though in later years we rarely saw each other (even drifted apart in our philosophy), he always told me I was the best writer and rocker in “these parts”. Even as late as 1999, when we got together at mama’s funeral, he told me “you know enough to make a LIVIN’ with what you know about rock …”
Bottom line: Whether we were “on the same page” or not over the years, I loved the dude! He was my brother! And my heart goes out to his wife (they’d just celebrated 36 years of wedded bliss), Mel, their daughter Amber, son-in-law Mark, son Scott, daughter-in-law April, and five grandkids who were blessed to call him “PawPaw”!

Now, there’s one more thing I’ve GOTTA stress:

Over the years,Dick became a heavy smoker and didn’t care much for exercising. That, along with our family’s history of heart trouble and high blood pressure, undoubtedly contributed to the untimely passing of this wunderkund of the family.

So … (pass this along to EVERY person ya know):

FROM THE HEART OF THIS OL’ ROCK RELIC:

If your family (going back at least two generations) has had even the SLIGHTEST hint of heart trouble in its history, GET A REGULAR PHYSICAL, stressing the cardio!! It’s VERY important! The Relic has one every six months like clockwork!

and KEEP CLOSE CHECK ON THE BP!! (and I ain’t talking “baked potato” here, yardbirds!) Average is 120/80. Yours may differ, but be SURE to keep it in the “safe zone”!

Keep your CHOLESTEROL level down (at least the “bad” cholesterols!). The Relic is free of those (well, almost), and my regularly-lower-than-average BP is stable!

EXERCISE!! It doesn’t only help your cardiovascular system, but the endorphins can work miracles for the moods! I personally pound the pavement for at LEAST ten miles a day, rain or shine, incidentally.

If you smoke, QUIT … or at LEAST cut it down by two-thirds!! Besides, you’ll be controlling “it”, as opposed to “it” controlling you! (Huh?? Only when I’m on fire!)

EVERY reader here — whether you’re from the Queen City or not — is dear to me … you’re fantastic in your own right!! And your lives are valuable … to you and the ones you love.

So keep it ALIVE, okay??

THIS HAS BEEN A SPECIAL REPORT. WE RESUME OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING ON MONDAY.

O-KAY! I give in!!
I’ve had more than a few emails askin’ what, exactly, does the Relic do, other than pennin’ one of Charlotte’s favorite blogs?
Well … ummm, see the guy in that pic? Now, imagine him without any hair on top, and you’ve got it!!

Actually, it’s not that bad (I stay away from espresso ever since that last shot at the old CoffeeWorks at the Arbouretum in Matthews. Long story …). But da man, he do stay bizzy!:

Y’see, there are three blogs I work on daily, thirty reviews typed out per month, a quarterly newspaper that’s done from scratch (even the ads are composed, with artwork), two UK acts to promote (dealing with A&R reps isn’t always easy!), seven articles to write on recurring bases, research to do, a house to maintain, bills to pay, pets to feed, and … ummmm … eat and sleep when available!!

In the office, aside from cats, are mounds of reports, papers, files, CDs, floppy disks (ummm … I … do have a computer in here somewhere!) and music. Always music. Classic rock/oldies. And, natch, The Fore and Ron Ryan (the two I’m promoting stateside).
And a litter box (see “papers”, which shall remain unsmudged by “cats”)
And, somewhere, a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich I started to eat an hour ago.

The music always keeps me pumped (why’d'ja think, over the past few years, I’ve been nicknamed Rock Relic, huh?).
But you, the readers, are the ones who get me juiced the most! 99.9% of ya e-mail rather than leave “comments” ’cause you’ve known me for a lonnnnnnnnng time. And it’s for you, as well as for those future friends who are just learnin’ about Crown Town and its wonder, that I’m writin’ this.
And it’s a blast!

SUMMERTIME and PATIOS

Together, they mean furniture that’ll make ya feel comfortable and are sturdy enough to handle that pitcher of ice-cold lemonade, maybe a few frosty Pepsi two-liters, the portable CD or the iPod and just relax with!
My fave’s always been the old “wrought-iron” look, but there are so many types you can get … either for pool-side or just out in the side yard, under your favorite shade tree!
Now, there are a lotta places in town that offer outside furniture … but, once you’ve spent your gas and fought the traffic to get to these places, you sometimes find the supply limited, and the style you wanted gone! If what you want is there, you have to spend big bux to buy it, go through long checkouts, cart it back to the house/apartment and hope it works for you!
Or … on the other hand,
you can go to the link I’m about to give you and find some of the most beautiful outdoor furniture on the market, at fantastic savings, and not have to worry about long lines, costly drives, or whether they have it in stock or not!
You can browse quickly or use their SuperSearch box to find the furnishings you want! And get this: You get free shipping and no sales tax if ya place your order by tomorrow (June 20)!
It’s fun, practical, saves time and money (as well as nerves), and is very secure (no hackers can get through to your order)!
Now, there’s not enough space here to describe it all, but you can discover this patio furniture wonderland for yourself just by clicking the link above!
Go ahead … do it now, while you’re on this site … and get ready to have a great summer with the most fabulous and comfortable outside furniture you’d ever want!

Well, this is the last segment of the innerview with Spencer Hannabuss (bass, vocals, songwriter, founding member), Luke Bentley (rhythm, vocals), Simon Thompson (drums, vocals) and Matt Hardy (lead, vocals) — collectively, THE FORE! (no, it’s not a misspelling! You’re reading the “interview” that gives you an “inner view” of the popular lads!)
Now, I’ve had a few e-mails that have asked “What does this have to do with Charlotte?” The answer’s in three parts: (1) Some of the questions were asked by CrownTowners; (2) the lads love NC and its people, and (3) with growing national interest in our SpongeTones comes an interest in the British Invasion and bands that are carryin’ that sound into the 21st Century! Besides, the band definitely wants to play Charlotte when they get over here!
That being said, here we go with Pt. 3 of The Fab FORE Interview!

(Now, one more time, troops: remember … I printed the questions out exactly as you wrote ‘em! No changes; didn’t wanna leave anything out! And, like I said before, Matt couldn’t make it to the “meeting of the minds” for this, but he had the others answer on his behalf).

The lads’ answers are in bold type:

“My son Chris wants to start a rock band he hopes will be sucessful (sic). Since the fore is so good and sucessful (sic) can you give him some advice on what he will have to do and what he needs to look out for?”

SIMON: A good drummer!! I’m sure Spencer will fill in the rest — he’s been there! lol

DAVID (co-manager): Well crafted songs are your biggest asset, along with practice, practice and then more practice! Play everywhere, one minute the Fore are playing with the Bootleg Beatles or at the Cavern and the next they are pushing trolleys full of equipment to play in the High Street! Keep moving forward and never give in. Be positive! Oh … and did I mention practice?

SPENCER: I’ll add to that - The first thing is to enjoy what you’re doing. Full stop. It sounds simple but if you’re playing music in a band that isn’t what you’re looking to do it’ll never work. We all love playing the style of music that we do and that’s so important - in the past we have had musicians in the band who weren’t 100% into the sound. It’s that love for what you do that gets you through the ‘dark’ times - it’s that that gets you by when you’re playing at gig miles from home, waiting 4 hours to play and then it’s only to a handful of people. The good times will come - but it’s often a long, long road (as the Hollies would say!)

“I know you played a big tv show for bbc. Is playing on tv any different than paying (sic) for a live show in front of fans? If so how?””

SPENCER: Very different. This is mainly because at a live show you can interact with the audience. The audience applause tends to ‘book-end’ a song whereas on TV there was … nothing!! We had to make sure we were speaking straight after the last chord was ringing to avoid those uncomfortable silences.
The BBC experience was unlike anything we had been through before. We were filmed constantly for 6 hours and the pressure to always be ‘performing’ was immense. We were pretty much presenting our own show which was something that we’ve never done before. Actually, by the end of the second, I think we had gotten a lot better at it and whilst I don’t know whether I’d like to do that particular show again, I think we’d all like to get more exposure on TV. We had a great time!

SIMON: When you play in front of an audience you feed off their energy, but, when it’s just us 4 and a camera man, we have to learn to feed off each other’s which is totally different. The BBC show we did was playing constant for 6 hours so, by the second day, there wasn’t much energy left.

“Have any of u ever met the beatles i mean paul or ringo? u sound so much like them and some even better.”

SIMON: I personally haven’t, though I’ve done the Liverpool tour and visited their original houses.

SPENCER: Well it’s an honour to be even compared to The Beatles, let alone someone saying we sound BETTER than them! Thank you!!!!
I’ve been fortunate enough to meet Paul McCartney in person. A good friend of mine worked as a radio reporter, working specifically on entertainment. He managed to get me an access to all areas pass at one of Paul’s ‘Back In The World’ tour in 2003. I was lucky enough to watch his sound check and then sit in on his interview with my friend. I even gave him a copy of 3 of my songs on CD!! He seemed a genuine kind of guy and I was really pleased to meet him!

“Do you ever get butterflys (sic) before going on stage?”

SPENCER: Not all that often these days, although there’s always a keenness to just get on stage and play. I’m often pacing around before a gig, just ‘cos I get impatient from not getting up there and doing what we do best!

SIMON: I think I did on my first gig but since then being on stage in front of people just feel right it’s where I belong.

“Do any of you have brothers or sisters who play too. I mean not with the fore but play.”

SPENCER: My sister is more arty than musical. Some of her drawings are amazing. My dad used to play semi-professionally years back, in the late 60s, so I guess that’s where I get my musical talent from. His guitar and bass were the first instruments I picked up.

SIMON: I have 2 older sisters but neither of them play — though my nephew has started to play drums now …don’t think his mum ever forgive me for that! lol

“A question for Simon if he doesntmind. I heard your song “Someone New” and LOVE it. How do you get the drum sound like the triple tom in there? Ive tried and tried because Im adrummer too.”

SIMON: During my little solo I’m playing the kick and both toms pretty much at the same time on different beats. But then I do the triple beat on just the floor tom and quickly move back to the original beat. Its difficult to explain but I’ll try and get a close up video of it to show you. (Rockiteers, if he can do it, I promise to put it on the very next post [and send a copy to you, Eric!])

SPENCER: I remember the first time that Si put the triplet in the drum fill. We were rehearsing in Croydon, Surrey (just me and him actually) and we were running over material for Black & White. It’s a great song, particularly live, and Si’s not really given credit for the part he plays in it, or many of our other songs. Good ol’ Si!!

I wanna thank all 4 (and Neil and David) of The Fore for taking a few minutes of their time to answer your questions! I gotta tell ya that, in thirty+ years in the biz of writin’ and rockin’, this is the best band I’ve ever had the pleasure to promote! And this is proof that you won’t find a more “fan-oriented”, harder-workin’ band in the known world than these FORE!!
But, for now, let’s get on to a coupla other thingz, okay?

SWINGIN’ OF A DIFFERENT TYPE

With summer comin’ up, a few extra days off (especially for you high schoolers), it’s time to think about relaxin’ in the shade while sippin’ a tall, cold glass of tea or lemonade.
Now, “taking it easy” is one thing; but if ya want the most out of it, you oughtta get a get a good hammock swing to lolligag in! And the best selection of these can be found when you click the link I’m about to give ya! You can relax in comfort and style with their great selection of hammock chair swings. Their lively colors and beautiful patterns will brighten up wherever you put ‘em … and provide you with the R & R you’re looking for!
And, when you go to their site, you’ll find some fantastic bargains on these as well. Of course, they offer many other great items that you can use during these lazy days of late-Spring, early-summer — and at lower prices than you’ll find in top stores around town!
There are other perks as well, including the ability to pay through PayPal®, which, as you know, not only gives you the easiest way to pay, but also provides the highest protection for you when you order!
So, to find out more about these beautiful hammocks, then all you’ve gotta do is click on the following link which will take you to the site with all this and more! You’ll find your favorite style of hammock chair just by clicking on that link. Get ready to go their now!!

Well, it happened …

for whatever reason, my PC “blue-screened” itself a coupla nights ago and, though I was able to bring it back, the modem (it and the drivers) was discombobulated!
Natch, I spent a full 24 tryin’ to get it back (huh?? Have ya tried calling Microsoft® lately? After pressing “this” or “that” number, ya still wait forever … and can somebody tell me how a dude in New Delhi knows about my computer?), sooooo … here I am, on an old PC, makin’ sure I get this post done (how old is it?? Dunno … but it’s got a kerosene reservoir and comes with a candle holder!).

Anyway, the “normal” PC (hmph … as if anything’s mornal in Relicworld!) should be up and running at full speed within a coupla days, and we’ll be gettin’ back to our regular posts! So stay tuned …

HILTON HEAD VACATION

While headin’ to Radio Shack™ to shop for modems (nope … didn’t find one I needed there, either!), I talked to a couple who were just comin’ through town on their way to Hilton Head for their vacation. Natch, they were gonna have to find a good rental when they got there, and I just happened to know of a great place that’d help ‘em find one!
Y’see, the South Carolina mecca is one that attracts thousands every year for fun-in-the-sun, great shopping, tennis, fine restaurants, magnificent scenery and much, much more!
Now … about that great “place”: In a minute, I’m gonna give you a link to the spot for vacation rentals in Hilton Head … and you’re gonna love whatcha see! Not only do you have great times ahead with golf courses, bike trails, tennis courts and more, but you’ve got some of the greatest fishing areas in the country! And, of course, there’s the wonder and beauty of the ocean!
And, no matter what size rental you need, you’ll get some of the finest and most relaxing amenities possible! (Oh … wonder why I’m using so many “!”s? It’s because I’ve been there … and it’s exciting!)
But, listen … don’t just take my word for it! Just click on this link for the best Hilton Head rental for you and your crew … and get ready for a grrrrrrrreat vacation!